He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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