He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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