i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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