it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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