I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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