so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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