Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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