Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
