You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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