Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
