I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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