I'm sorry my penis didn't work
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
