The maid of honor just puked.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize