she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
