it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
