I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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