peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
