So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
