she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
