theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
