i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
