Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
