Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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