life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
