Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dicks are not precious.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
