I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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