im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
