We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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