no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
