sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize