Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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