Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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