there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
