3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
