wakey wakey hands off snakey
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
