Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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