I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
