STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
