Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
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went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
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I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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