Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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