Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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