So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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