Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
