i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
