The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
