Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
