thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
