My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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