Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
