The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
