Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
