i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
FUCK WHALES
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
