I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
