I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize