The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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