Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
