GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
