I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
