Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
