I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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