i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish you could order shots online.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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