So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
