if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Betty ford says i'm here all night
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
