I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
