Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
